Let me tell you a little story of what little Koushiki went through. Take the popcorn out of your microwaves, grab a drink (cold drink of course! or water, if you are that good!) and enjoy the little tale.
I believe, we all have stories: in some form or the other, they shape our future.
I realise that all these sound too dramatic but honestly, I cannot help it! My life and my dreams are all intertwined with emotions and poetic dialogues.
How it started?
The young Koushiki who was in grade 4 fell in love with reading when she found an abridged version of #JaneEyre by #CharlotteBronte. She read it in a weeks' time and loved the idea of getting to know a story without having to talk to others and at her own pace. If it sounds like she was scared - yeah, she was. She had anxiety, she was insecure with her friendships and was insecure about her body - she was scared to grow up!
This started her journey down the whirlpool of books. She devoured #EnidBlyton - Famous Five and Secret Seven series. Then came Ruskin Bond along the way, the first Indian author I ever read. His writing made me realise how I loved nostalgic literature - it was the kind of writing which made me long for things without having experienced them in the past. It was simple romanticising of everyday things around daily life in India. It was a blend of familiarity with newness.
What happened then?
So that's how the little Koushiki was growing up. Then suddenly around grade 6-7, she discovered a genre called 'popular Indian fiction' and then she fell down the rabbit hole. I know I shouldn't judge as it was the age. However, I cannot believe how much of her time she spent reading those books of Durjoy Dutta and Chetan Bhagat. It is understandable as everyone around were reading those in school: it became a 'thing'! However, later in life, i recognise what the real reason was! These books spoke about love, relationships, sex and other adulthood thing which these kids in school did not have access to otherwise. The education system in India failed us and the society believed in hiding it and thus, we had to find out from other places.
Turning Point:
After a year or so, she realised that she was reading what society was telling her to and this did not sit right with her. She started disliking the hobby and this dislike grew on to neglect and finally, it was a separation. She stopped reading for pleasure even though she still liked reading. This was probably because she couldn't find the right books anymore.
Yay! finally the end of the sad story... no, rather this is the beginning of a new one. I promise this is a happy one. In grade 11, the little Koushiki is not little anymore, she is 17 years old. Thus, I will be referring to me as "I" from now on. I was going through a really rough patch of my life - changes in school, friendships, family and my study life. I decided that I needed an escape - or maybe a different reality. My conscience knocked and screamed at me, ''Remember the time you loved reading?" Something in me clicked. I started watching youtube videos (later on I got to know about #Booktube) and started searching up on Instagram (later on again: #Bookstagram). I discovered a whole new domain that was beautiful. The community is so accepting and inviting and my books, of course, were overjoyed. This is how I got back to the habit of reading!
It was like a calling from above and beyond - it was like an escape route.
I took the route and forgot the reality which was difficult to change - I chose the reality where I am travelling with my protagonists through their lives. I take pride in claiming that I learned about people and life from books and films. I believe that every book that I have picked up till now in my life have changed me as a person. To know more read: 5 books thats shaped my dreams. Every character I have read about has taught me invaluable lessons of life.
This simple love kept growing every day and finally shaped a dream: the dream of studying literature in the UK. Here I am today while writing this post. I am eternally grateful.
Turning point 2.0:
2020 was a year to remember and not for the good reasons- #COVID19 #pandemic shaped our lives to be this unbelievable mess. Life stopped with all its usual ways and challenged us to create alternatives, be it - meeting people, talking to them, going to doctors, starting a job or even starting university - all virtual. In all the virtual-ness, people lost their own selves a little bit everyday. Mental health was on the decline as a whole and finding new coping mechanisms became the new hobby.
However, my life was on a different path i think. 2020 was the year i left India to step into a flight by my own for the first time and come here, to the UK. reading wise, the end of 2019 and beginning of 2020 was my peak of reading and bookstagram. i reached 1.5K in 6 months and my love and passion for books were on its rise. as the year progressed, the time came for me to leave, pack my bags with 100 books (yes, i did that.) and start a new chapter.
17 September 2022, i was in the UK. I believed that nothing could stop me but unfortunately, no one had prepared me for all the new things of adult life.i was thinking about assignments and voting id at the same time. I had to prove myself in this estranged environment and make my own stand. In all this trying, reading left me again. I am sorry books - i stare at you often and think about the times you gave me comfort.
Nothing is stronger than a hope that never dies.
So here, we are, now, stuck. but this quote by #Matt Haig stays with me these days. I am reading The Comfort Book by him and yes, it is doing exactly what it said it would- giving me comfort.
I believe we all have stories: in some form or the other, they shape our future. What is your story? Let me know, please. Waiting to hear always.
Take care dear reader.
- K